Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek

Everyone starts hiding except Newton...... ...

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

Newton
says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared..... That makes me
Newton per meter squared..... . since one Newton per meter squared is
one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT.......! ,_

How many merchants does it take to change a light bulb?

"The light bulb that I sold you doesn't work? You must be using a non-standard socket."

None. Well, it takes one merchant to sell you the light bulb and one to gift wrap it, but then you go home and change the light bulb by yourself

How merchants do it...

Merchants do it to customers.

Merchants do it in gift wraps.

A merchant sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor, noting that the previous bill hadn't been paid, told the collections manager to check it. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

Shopkeeper Smith was alarmed when a new business, much like his own, opened in the storefront to the left of him. A huge sign was installed, reading BEST DEALS.

Mr. Smith was troubled a second time when another competitor leased the building on his right, and erected a much larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

At this point Smith was really depressed, however, he came up with an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop...it read MAIN ENTRANCE.

There were two grocers, Smith and Jones, in the same street. Smith had a sign in his window, "Avocados, 20 pence a pound". A woman goes in and asks for some. "Sorry love", said Smith, "I haven't got any in just now; come back on Wednesday".

So she goes on up the street to Jones. But his avocados are 2 pounds-fifty a pound! But at least he has them in stock.

"That's a bit steep isn't it? Smith's are only 20 pence a pound".

"Yeah", says Jones, "and when I haven't got any in stock, mine also are only 20 pence a pound!"

A woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing. She says, "Thank Heavens I've made it in time! Have you any turkey?" The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only turkey, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 4 1/2 pounds.

"Ah, haven't you anything bigger?" the woman inquires. The butcher returns the turkey to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scale shows 7 1/4 pounds.

"Marvelous!" says the woman. "I'll have both of them please."

Insurance agents are premium lovers.

Insurance agents do it with third parties.

Car Insurance Excuses

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeard in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.
I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.
I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

Car Insurance Excuses

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle. I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeard in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished. I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over. I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

He was gone for about eight hours and then he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Brown's and this one is Mr. Smith's."

"That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"

"Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention and I sold them a group policy!"

He was gone for about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for a $80,000 policy and another for a $50,000 policy.

"How in the world did you do that," they asked.

"I told you I'm the world's best salesman, I can sell anyone anywhere anytime."

"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.

"What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $40,000 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

"We don't need any one," they replied.

"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime any thing."

"We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."

You ought to feel highly honored," said the businessman to the life insurance agent, "so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents."

"Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm them

Three guys are fishing in the Caribbean. One guy says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."
The second guy says, "I had a terrible explosion; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."

The third guy says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."

The other guys turned to him with confusion and asked, "Flood? How do you start a flood?"

Santa: Bhai sahab time kya hua?

Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!

Santa:subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.

Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs.

Santa:mai tere mobile se
apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai?

Banta: No, agar usne
handwriting pehchan li to...?

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.

Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.

Santa looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere".

After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."

History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.

Santa: Adidas

Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...

Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Lady to inspector:

Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!

Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

Santa: I have swallowed a key.

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

How did santa tried to kill a bird??

He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!

Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.

Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die

 Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes
out of the other.

Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears &
comes out of the mouth.