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The Computerized Poetry
C Hacker in Paradise
Tried to amend my low-level habits
started learning Ada last fall
Writing tasks with conditional rendez-vous calls
Raising lots'a exceptions and handling them all
But at night I had these wonderful dreams
some kind of sensuous treat
Not of subtypes or generics or packages
but of function pointers and binary trees
( I was a...)
C hacker in paradise
putting my flags in an integer slice
Using K&R to be more precise
I'm just a C hacker in paradise
Heard about some of our managers
they want to do everything with a tool
Classes you browse by clicking with the mouse
Well it reminds me of some stuff I saw in primary school!
But I am not so easy to break;
When I'm at work I keep fighting back
Not with methods, drag-and-drop or a Hypercard stack
But with that miracle language in which I hack!
C hacker in paradise
writing code that's already optimized
putting my flags in an integer slice
I'm just a C hacker in paradise
I write all my functions with recursion
using implicit pointer conversion
Back with a longjmp and then a goto
Oh, good God almighty which way should I go
to be a
C hacker in paradise
Making all operations bitwise
Writing right onto the raw device
Yes, I'm a
C hacker in paradise
I'll be a
C hacker in paradise
I'm just a
C hacker in paradise
I write all ...
C hacker in paradise ....
Submitted by abeer on Tue, 01/15/2008 - 18:37.
Newton's laws of
Law 1:
Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.
The
rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment
received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline
force is applied.
For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.
Bugs
can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It
can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of
bugs in the software always remains constant.
Geek I live a life
I live a life on-line
I have no sense of time
Inside a lab all day
I've always been this way
I'm a geek
I'm a geek
Oh ho I'm a geek
Good Lord I'm a geek
And I'm a metal-head
My only T-shirt's black and red
But chatting gets me high
I can't log off and you know that I
Am a geek
I'm a geek
Oh ho I'm a geek
Good Lord I'm a geek
I surf the Goth-girl sites
Maybe they'll mail me, one of these nights
Debugging is my thing
I hear the cool guys sniggering
He's a geek
I live a life on-line
I tell my friends I'm fine
I pop another pill
I've never met them and I never will
I'm a geek
I'm a geek
Oh ho I'm a geek
Oh Lord I'm a geek
I surf the Goth-girl sites
Maybe they'll mail me, one of these nights
Debugging is my thing
I hear the cool guys sniggering
He's a geek
Gateway To Heaven
Gateway To Heaven
There's a lady who knows
All the systems and nodes
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
She telnets there, she knows
All the ports have been closed
With a nerd she can get
Files she came for
Woohoohoo
Woo Hoo Hoo HooHoo
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
There's an motd
But she wants to be sure
Cos she knows sometimes hosts have
Two domains
In a path by the NIC
There's a burdvax that pings
Sometimes all of our flames
are cross-posted
Woohoohoo
Woo Hoo Hoo HooHoo
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
And it's processed by root
Unix Labs will reboot
NCR will then listen to reason
And a prompt will respawn
For those yet to logon
And the networks will echo much faster
Woohoohoo
Woo Hoo Hoo HooHoo
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
If there's a lookup in your netstat
don't be .alarmed now
it's just a pinging from the link queen
Yes there are two routes you can type in
but in the long run
there's still time to change the net you're on
(I hope so!)
And as we find stuff to download
We ftp and we chmod
There was a sysadm we know
Who changed the server to her own
She had root privs and she used chown
She hacked out on the DDN
And if you tail her stdin
Then you will find what you had lost
And get it back with cpio
To be a hack and not to scroll...
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
Computerized GIRL
(((brue gaya)))
Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
I think they're OK
If they can't help me with my callbacks
I just walk away.
They can beg and they can plead
but they can't see the light
Cause the boy who knows Motif
is always Mister Right.
Cause we are living in a computerized world
and I am a computerized girl
You know that we are living in a computerized world
and I am a computerized girl.
Some boys romance, some boys slow dance
That's all right with me
If they can't raise my windows then I
have to let them be
Some boys try and some boys lie but
I don't let them play
Only boys that know their X calls
make my buggy day
Cause we are living ...
Boys may come and boys may go
and that's all right you see
Experience had taught me X
and now they're after me.
Cause you know that we are living ....
Computer Man
It's 10 AM on a Wednesday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man up at the blackboard
Getting off on programs that "win"
He says "Son, you will build an automata
I'm not really sure how it goes
But its cycles are neat
And I knew it complete
When I wore an undergrad's clothes"
(Chorus)
Write me some code, you're a computer man
Write me some code tonight
I expect you'll be thinking of suicide
If your program's not running tonight.
Now John the TA is a friend of mine
And he gets CPU's for free
Now he's quick with his hacks
That will prop up the Vax
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He said "Bill, I believe this is killing me!"
As the smile ran away from his face
"Yes I'm sure that I could get my Ph.D
If I could get out of this place."
Now Bruce is a permanent student
Who has programmed most of his life
And he's talking to Davy
Who's still at Carnegie
And probably will be for life
And the faculty's practicing politics
As their graduates slowly grow old
They say "Think of the thrill and accomplishment
That writing a paper will hold"
(Repeat Chorus)
I've done a pretty good job on my Master's
And my advisor gives me a smile
`cause when guys like me
will do research for free
His job is secure for a while
And recruiters, they call on the telephone
and they offer me plant trips and beer
They look me in the eye
Then say with a sigh
"MAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"
Control-C Song
Control-C Song
(to the tune of Don't Fence Me In)
((by PMW, from DEC archives))
If you log on the -10 'cause you want to run some code...
HIT CONTROL-C
If the system is slow 'cause its got a great big load...
HIT CONTROL-C
If your code isn't givin' you the right reaction,
You're stuck in a loop, you ain't gettin' no action,
One thing you can do to get some satisfaction...
HIT CONTROL-C
Chats Don't Work
Chats Don't Work
Chats Don't Work
All this talk of real existence
It's getting me down my love
Like a bad chunk of code, written with doubt
This time I'm bombing out
And I hope you're thinking of me
As you open your front door
Now the chats don't work, they just make you hurt
But I know I'll see your nick again
Now the chats don't work, they just make you hurt
But I know I'll see your nick again
Now I know I'm in the no-life crowd
'Cos I'm speaking 'laugh out loud'
And if your comp should fail then just send me mail
And we'll find a new room again
Now the chats don't work, they just make you hurt
But I know I'll see your nick again
'Cos baby, ooh, if Opti falls, I'm on Yahoo
Just like I said
You hit ignore, I'm better off dead
All this talk of real existence
It's getting me down my love
Like an unstable system, with one last cough
This time I'm logging off
Now the chats don't work, they just make you hurt
But I know I'll see your nick again
'Cos baby, ooh, if Teenchat's down, try ICQ
Just like I said
You leave the Net, I'm better off dead
But if U WANNA CHAT then just tell me that
And I'll type on your screen again
Now the chats don't work, they just make you hurt
But I know I'll see your nick again
Yeah I know I'll see your nick again
Yeah I know I'll see your nick again
Yeah I know I'll see your nick again
Woah
Yeah I know I'll see your nick again
Woah
Never loggin' out now never loggin' out
No more no more no more no more no more
THE JAVA PROGRAMMER
The JAVA PROGRAMMER
Java programmer
Java programmer, Java programmer.
Please sir or madam, will you play my game?
It took me years to write, doesn't have a name.
It's based on a game by Comrade Pazhitnov,
And I need a job,
So I want to be a Java programmer,
Java programmer.
It's a little game about tetrominoes,
And the object is to remove the rows.
Right now, I'm working for the Daily Mail.
It's a steady job,
But I want to be a Java programmer,
Java programmer.
Java programmer, Java programmer.
It's a thousand levels, give or take a few.
I'll be writing more in a week or two.
I could make it longer if you like the style.
I can change it 'round,
And I want to be a Java programmer,
Java programmer.
If you really like it you can have the rights.
It could make a million for you overnight.
If you must return it you can send it here,
But I need a break,
And I want to be a Java programmer,
Java programmer.
Java programmer, Java programmer.
Java programmer, Java programmer.
Java programmer, Java programmer.
Java programmer, Java programmer.
Java programmer...
The Bug Came Back
The Bug Came Back
The program wasn't complex, and it wasn't very long,
Though it seemed a bit erratic, its results were seldom wrong.
But that little error nagged us, so we stayed up late one night -
Found a missing comma, and we thought that fixed it right -
But the bug came back, the very next day
The bug came back, we thought it was a gonner
But the bug came back, it just wouldn't stay away.
We put away our documents, rewrote the code from scratch
To find out where the new and older versions didn't match.
A subtle shift of logic showed where we had gone astray;
We felt a bit embarrassed, but at least it ran okay -
We wrote in other languages, from FORTH to APL
And ev'ry one ran ev'ry time - just sometimes not too well.
Translation to assembler didn't give us any clue;
The COBOL version crashed on ev'ry system it went through -
We gave it to the hacker squad - the folks who code for fun -
And asked them if they couldn't get the stupid thing to run.
But less than one week later, they no longer wished to play -
Three paranoids... one suicide... and six who ran away...
We got a summer student in to check the code by hand,
With paper, pen and calculator, run through each command,
But suddenly the lights went out -- the air went thin and queer --
A sudden FLASH! of lightning -- and the student... disappeared..?
We set up an experiment that Schrodinger inspired:
A box; a cat; some poison; a computer system wired
Such that IF the program failed, the little moggy would be gassed.
A quasar was - almost - the only remnant of the blast...
But the cat came back the very next day
The bug came back, we thought they were a gonner
But they both came back, they just wouldn't stay away