An actuary is walking down the corridor when he feels a twinge in his chest. Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that.

The actuary replies, "The chances of having a heart attack and falling down the stairs are much lower than the chances of having a heart attack only."

Happy birthday to you.

How could it be true?

You’re supposed to be (age or birthday boy or girl),

but you act like you’re two.

Happy birthday to you.

How could it be true?

You’re supposed to be (age or birthday boy or girl),

but you act like you’re two.

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."